April 22, 2025

Hi Friends,

“Hi Reuben! How was your day?” asked his mother, Rachel. Without missing a beat, Reuben replied, “Good. How was your day?” I was impressed with my grandson’s manners!

Rewind to a conversation Sharon had years ago with the Mom of a boy on a hockey team I coached. She was exasperated and exhausted because she made different meals for each of her family members each night, because they didn’t like to eat the same thing.

Now, fast forward back to that conversation in the school yard with Rachel and her six-year-old son. I heard her remark, shortly after, that she had told the boys that, if they wanted an after-school snack when they got home, they needed to ask about her day in the same way that she asked about their day. And I thought, “Well done!”

These days, you can get into trouble as easily by talking about parenting as you can about politics but, frankly, I’m too old to care. I should also say that I’m deeply appreciative of the efforts you parents make to raise your children well. So, here goes.

Wise parents discern their children’s unique identity and do things within reason to develop that identity. After all, the child is a gift from God and their stewardship. But wise parents also understand that they are the parents and that their children’s will and understanding need to be shaped. Furthermore, wise parents understand the need to set boundaries and to uphold them fiercely, as if life depended on it (because, sometimes, it does) and because the quality of their children’s future will very much depend on it.

Parenting is demanding, stretching, exhilarating and exhausting. We all figure it out as we go, no matter how many books we’ve read or classes we’ve taken. It is one of the greatest tools of discipleship in our lives and in the lives of our children. And it takes work and perseverance and grace — lots of all the above. The role changes over time but it is never finished.

That is why I’m saddened when I see parents giving in to their children’s desires because they just don’t want to fight about it any more. “There’s no point in us trying this any more. He just won’t give in,” says an exasperated, desperate, battle weary father. I get that. I remember that feeling. But what is wrong with the picture when a child is controlling an adult? Why, in the first place, do we assume that the child is wiser about life than the adult?

Friends, if you are honest, you will admit that you still battle with a will that seeks its own way rather than God’s way. As a parent, (or grandparent) you have a chance to help that child learn to bend his will to one that is better, whether he/she knows it or not. Don’t give up. These things will matter more than you think. If you’re struggling, get help. And remember that great parenting advice from Jesus’ brother, James: “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

Blessings!

Doug