October 28, 2025
Dear Friends,
I just found out that my friend died on this Sunday past. I was reflecting in my journal about the weight I was feeling because of his illness and how little time I had spent with him (he’s a new believer) because of all that has been going on in my life lately. I closed my journal and opened my email to find a note from his wife, telling me that he had died.
Frankly, I was stunned. He was only 60 years old, and I thought that I had more time with him. I was hurt too. He was my friend and he was struggling with facing dying, and I wasn’t there for him. While I’m not particularly prone to guilt, I still feel sadness over this.
Maybe my reflections on this situation can encourage you in other situations that you are facing.
First, my friend was not alone. His loving family was with him. The Holy Spirit was right there, ‘brooding over’ the ‘waters’ of his trouble as he brooded over the primal, chaotic waters that covered the world when God created it. My friend had hope and assurance in the hour of his great trial. He went peacefully to be with the Lord.
Second, I must put to death my ‘God complex.’ My absence doesn’t mean God’s absence. My presence doesn’t mean God’s comfort and it doesn’t assure that real needs will be met. I may be used but I am not ‘necessary’ to what God is doing. Serving is a calling, a privilege, even a duty at times, but it only becomes more when God inhabits the service rendered.
Third, my relationship with my friend is not lost. It is interrupted. As David said of his deceased son, “He cannot come to me, but I will go to him.” By God’s grace, my friend and I share an eternal bond in Christ. We are brothers who share the hope of resurrection.
Finally, I can’t rationalize away the pain of loss. What I wrote above is true but my grief is also true. It is the gift and outcome of friendship. I must accept the grief as I must accept the facts of death and loss. The Spirit broods over the chaos of my grief also. God’s comfort is available to me as well. He is, after all, the ‘God of all comfort.’ His love triumphs over death and it is made real in death. Hope is anchored in the power that raises the dead, not in my thoughts and feelings, no matter how poignant they may be.
Blessings!
Doug